Week 14

Training Camp:

It was a test of mental stamina alongside the physical. Sprinting around the field I had plenty of time to reflect on those long strenuous days at the beach in Spain and those extra helpings of deep fried empanadas. Just kidding.. kinda. Anywho, the weekend was a nice reminder that it's time to wake up from the hypnotic sleep of vacation and get back to "work."

Let me tell you though, by the end of the third day I was ready to go home. No more sleeping on a bunk bed in a crowded room of foreign-speaking girls, no more staring at less than appetizing food and no more trudging through rain-laden weather. One more day and I might have hurt someone.

In closing, I have to say, the camp was good though. It refocused me and now I'm ready for the next part of the season. A season in which I was just recently told I was named the No. 1 player in our division by the Swedish Soccer Federation. So now it's time to work a little harder and actually prove to myself that I deserve such an honor.

Home Alone:

Remember that movie with Macauly Culken? Everything was great until he had to cook for himself; microwave macaroni and cheese, pizza deliveries. . . While I refuse to stoop as low as microwaveable food, it's startin' to get ugly. I'm not a bad cook, I'm just lazy. This, plus the fact that I've come to realize that I hate to cook. I don't have the patience or the magical touch it takes to create well-prepared or balanced meals.

I walk through the door after practice, eye the refrigerator, stare at the frozen meat, the uncooked vegetables and the drawer full of spices. My head starts to hurt and my gaze wanders to the colorful box of granola cereal and empty bowl waiting to be filled. One takes ten hours, the other 10 seconds. It's not my fault. I just don't have the focus to do things like cook.

So now here I am in my second week alone, while the family is on vacation in Båstad, fendng for myself. For all those Swedish people in the neighborhood who might just so happen to stumble on this page, I'm accepting charity dinners. We have all the food here too, if you don't want to foot the grocery bill. You can just come on over and cook right out of our kitchen. Just let me know what day you want to fill and I'll set up a little chart for the neighborhood. Don't all rush over at once, and don't worry, there are plenty of days for everyone. Tack!

And thanks for taking day one Johan. Loved the charcoaled salmon.

Ketchup:

When I mentioned earlier that I hate ketchup, it was a bit of an understatement. So I'll say it again, this time with a little more emphasis. I HATE KETCHUP!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately for me I have landed upon the most ketchup-loving country in the world. ketchup to them is like hands down the number one condiment. One of the neighborhood kids puts it on his pancakes! When I ordered a burger the ketchup already came on the plate (need I state that burger was immediately sent back to the kitchen). And one meal at training camp consisted of pasta with ketchup as the sauce. AAAAHHHHHHHHH.

I actually had to have a conversation with my teammates so that they didn't think I hated them. "Look guys, I just can't be around the stuff. I eat at a different table because it makes me nauseated." I think at first they thought I was joking, but three months later I still ain't laughin'.

Mom did something happen to me as a child? Did you try and gag me with a ketchup bottle or something? What's wrong with me? Don't answer that.

The point is, I gotta get outta here soon or I may gag myself to death. And this is the last time we talk about the red vile that comes out of a Hines bottle. And if you should see me on the street (either in Sweden or Chicago) don't ask me about it then either. From this moment on, ketchup no longer exists in my world.

BLURBS. . ..

1. Don't watch Oprah unless you have Kleenex readily available. This is fact. Last week I balled uncontrollably when this girl got on there and talked about how she begged for her education on the streets of New York in a business suit holding a sign, "I'm brilliant. Columbia agrees and now all I need is for one more person to do the same." It was the definition of inspiration and a damn good tear jerker as well.

2. Sue (Moynihan) I've been trying to take this picture of an old lady on a bike for you, but I have to tell you it's not gonna happen. Either they're highly unattractive or they've zoomed past me way before I can take a clear picture, leaving nothing but their back tire in the shot. Sorry, I tried; my mother can attest to that.

3. The Swedish summer has officially lasted two weeks. It's cold and rainy again. I hear there's a heat wave in America. Great.

4. I hate to cook. Oh, did I mention that already?

5. Internet chat groups are scary. My brother got me hooked up to this chat-thing HI-5 and it kinda creeps me out and in the same breath fascinates me. It's addictive until you come across a man with James Brown hair and a spandex superman outfit. Thanks Court.